Thursday, May 22, 2008

21st May 2006

Sitting here and looking back in last two years of my new birth today 22 may 2006 was the day when we lost the shinning scarlet rather I killed her, but a lot has happened in these two years and I am still confused as to celebrate the living or not..

Last night I recalled the event and I saw a lot of thing in front of me, I was begging for water which no one gave me, every time I opened my eye I was at a new place and I saw faces which were very known professionally, personally, and all other ally who were disturbed and running here and there.

I opened my eye on 22nd saw papa standing in front which was a surprise and than I realized something big has taken place and I tried knowing about where is she and everybody said their parents took her back home which everybody thought I accepted but at the back of my mind there was someone telling we have lost her, we have lost her but I convinced myself that she is well and everything is fine....

Yesterday I felt her near me and every moment we spent together and her words and her smile, I saw her dressed in my Kurta Pajamas, smiling strumming “Last Kiss”,
I recall a few words of her which she wrote last

Saying Goodbye

Lessons Learnt This Week

Laughter: Dies... Cry a bit and stand up again...

Fate: The most damning F-word...

Destiny: An answer to all questions... (for losers...)

Feelings: Baggage that
makes life more difficult...

Trust: Is a Knife one thrusts in one' s own back...

Hurt: The recurring pain arising out of the continuous presence of that
Knife...

Love and Pain: The biggest Truth that always comes in a pair... Take one get
one free...

Loss: Reality check...

Life: The collection of memories that one holds which give Pain and relief in
turns.... And one keeps making those memories every Fuckin second...

What goes up comes down... And the fall can be Disastrous....

One keeps repeating the same mistakes... Thus the disillusionment...
Thus the sorrow...

Yet one lives... Tries to live... Meeting people and sharing... Laughing...
Surrendering control to Fate and Destiny... Feeling happy and feeling low...
Trusting and getting hurt... Loving and enduring Pain... Losing... Making
fuckin
memories... And enduring them when one says goodbye...Guess thats
life... and it
goes own...

Excuse my Cynicism... One has sorrows and real life to deal
with...

I always wanted to speak to her family which till today I have not done as I don’t have the courage to face them.

3 comments:

mr bojangles said...

i know.. take care baba.. i was with utpal - should've come & met u too.. but i didn't.

zazo said...

Great that we have got you back in our life but equally sad and inconsolable that you lost a dear and near friend of yours. You are a brave heart and keep moving the way you are doing and take care of your self.

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